just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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