The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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