You're my little dorito
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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