Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
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All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize