He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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