I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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