For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
