Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
