Your face is a jimmy john
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
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