I wish I could punch you in the face.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
