we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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