all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
