I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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