Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
