Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize