tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
