Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
