I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
