i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
