call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
