I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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