barbara walters just said penis...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
