if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
