if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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