Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
