i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
