If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
they're like a gay fantastic four
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
