All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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