And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
