im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
