I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
please don't ironically join a cult
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