Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
it's like heaven, but drunker
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
