just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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