You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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