I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
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He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
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I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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