Sry I called you an 8
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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