Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Actions speak louder than pants.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It's rum buckets o'clock
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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