Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
