Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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