she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
