Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
