..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
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I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
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My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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