i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
