i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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