was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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