yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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