theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
