He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
