If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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