i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
