I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
