went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
