Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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