I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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