The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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