You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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