you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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