I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
