it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
