exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
