I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
