he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
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gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
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So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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