we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
