hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
