The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
