he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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