2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
