The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
