apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
