In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
