He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
