A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My hand turned me down
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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