soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
