i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
