my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
