Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
