How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
