So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
