She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
